I Feel Like Im Bribing my Child! Whats the difference between bribes and rewards

I Feel Like I’m Bribing my Child! What’s the difference between bribes and rewards Children with ADHD often need rewards and structure to help them succeed at challenging or mundane tasks and learn new behaviors. While rewards are a valuable ADHD management tool, its not uncommon for parents who use rewards to say that feel like they are simply bribing their child to get them to meet basic expectations. Its important to remember that kids with ADHD actually need rewards to help with motivation. However, bribes and rewards are two very things with very different effects on behavior. Rewards are something your child earns for their hard work and effort. They are established ahead of time, paired with clear expectations, and given only after the child has followed through. Rewards are part of a plan that parents are ultimately in charge of managing, and lead to positive interactions that foster feelings of accomplishment. When children are rewarded after a behavior they are more likely to repeat that same behavior again. Bribes, on the other hand are typically given to a child before they follow through desired behavior. Often they are used as a last resort, and as a result they frequently come about during a power struggle or negotiation. They rarely lead to long term changes in behavior. In fact, they often accidentally encourage negative behavior! Consider this example: A child is at a restaurant with his family. While hes waiting for his meal, he whines and complains about being bored, and is up and out of his seat bothering the diners at the neighboring table. This is an uncomfortable, common situation for many parents, and one everyone wants to change as quickly as possible. If you respond by pairing a reward with clear expectations youll remind your child that you agreed before dinner that first he would stay seated for the entire meal, and then as a reward he would be able to order dessert. Youll then give him an activity to keep him busy and praise his good behavior during the meal. Hell earn his reward, feel good about his effort, and have more motivation to stay seated the next time hes in a restaurant. If you respond by using a bribe, youll first ask your child repeatedly to stop getting out of his seat. When he doesnt comply youll feel frustrated and maybe even worry that the family dinner will be ruined. So, you resort to a bribe by asking your child if he will sit down if you give him a piece of candy. He takes the candy, sits down for one minute and then is up out of his seat again. In this case the bribe actually reinforced the childs negative behavior. He received candy while he was out of his seat, and was not required to first meet any expectations. Once the candy was finished, he stood up again because he was bored and restless, and had nothing motivating him to stay seated. Chances are hell leave the restaurant feeling bad about his behavior, and will not be motivated to behave differently next time. So, how can you avoid bribes and instead focus on constructive rewards? Set clear expectations ahead of time whenever possible, and share these expectations and the possible reward with your child. Using a When-Then statement can be helpful, When you stay seated for the entire meal, then youll be able to order dessert. Dont allow your child to negotiate about the reward in the moment, and make sure to provide rewards only when theyve been earned. This shows your child that you are in charge of the plan, and removes their ability to negotiate or engage in a power struggle. When rewards are used correctly, they can set your child up for success, reduce family conflicts, and teach your child that they can accomplish challenging tasks when they have the right motivation. So, rest assured that when you stick to a behavior plan that includes rewards, youre not bribing your child. Instead, youre using a valuable tool designed to help them manage their ADHD symptoms. ABOUT DR. MARY ROONEY Mary Rooney, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of California San Francisco. Dr Rooney is a researcher and clinician specializing in the evaluation and treatment of ADHD and co-occurring behavioral, anxiety, and mood disorders. A strong advocate for those with attention and behavior problems, Dr. Rooney is committed to developing and providing comprehensive, cutting edge treatments tailored to meet the unique needs of each child and adolescent. Dr. Rooney's clinical interventions and research avenues emphasize working closely with parents and teachers to create supportive, structured home and school environments that enable children and adolescents to reach their full potential. In addition, Dr. Rooney serves as a consultant and ADHD expert to Huntington Learning Centers. ABOUT HUNTINGTON Huntington Learning Center is the tutoring and test prep leader. Its certified tutors provide individualized instruction in reading, phonics, writing, study skills, elementary and middle school math, Algebra through Calculus, Chemistry, and other sciences. It preps for the SAT and ACT, as well as state and standardized exams. Huntington programs develop the skills, confidence, and motivation to help students of all levels succeed and meet the needs of Common Core State Standards. Founded in 1977, Huntington's mission is to give every student the best education possible. Call us today at 1.800.CAN LEARN to discuss how Huntington can help your child. For franchise opportunities please visit www.huntingtonfranchise.com. This website does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The material on this site is provided for educational purposes only.